Free-Range Chickens

For all of you that would like a quick hilarious read go pick this book up!  This kid writes these funny little stories about random things, much like Taylor does.  We voted and these are some of the best ones...

If adults were subjected to the same indignities as children

PARTY

Zoe: Dad, I'm throwing a party tonight, so you'll have to stay in your room.  Don't worry, though: one of my friends brought over his father for you to play with. His name is Comptroller Brooks and he's about your age, so I'm sure you'll have lots in common.  I'll come check on you in a couple of hours. (Leaves)

Comptroller Brooks: Hello.

Mr. Higgins: Hello.

Comptroller Brooks: So...um...do you follow city politics?

Mr. Higgins: Not really.

Comptroller Brooks: Oh.

(long pause)

(Zoe returns)

Zoe: I forgot to tell you: I told my finds you'd perform for them after dinner.  I'll come get you when it's time. (Leaves)

Comptroller Brooks: Oh man, what are we going to do?

Mr. Higgins: I know a dance...but it's pretty humiliating.

Comptroller Brooks: Just teach it to me.

My top secret seventh-grade diary

Tuesday

Beware! If ye hath stumbled upon this secret tome, ye must put it downeth immediately! Thine eyes are not meant to readeth these words! Indeed, if thy continue to readeth, a most horrible curse shall fall upon your very soul! 

Today I went to school.  Afterwards I watched Charles in Charge and Murphy Brown.

Thursday

O heavenly beasts, with horns of iron and wings of steel, I summon you to earth to unleash your wicked torments upon they who dare to readeth these words! Curse them! Curse them a thousand times over! For to read this consecrated tome is to rip open mine heart and feast upon its sacred truths!

Charles in Charge, Murphy Brown, The Hogan Family, Three's Company, Murphy Brown rerun, The Hogan Family.

Friday

Oh my goodness, I just found out they're canceling The Hogan Family.  I don't know what to do.  My fingers are shaking so much it's hard to hold the pencil.  I've been crying for three straight hours and I can't make myself stop.  There's a chance they might show reruns in the summers but I'm not even sure if they'll do that.  I've never felt so lonely and scared in my entire life.  My Mom's going to get home from work soon and I'm going to have to go our there and smile and somehow pretend like everything's all right.  But on the inside I'll be screaming at the top of my lungs, screaming with anger and fear.  It's times like this that I wonder if you even exist, God. Where were you today? Just hanging out?  Well, guess what? The Hogan Family was canceled.The third best show the year, gone forever.  Like so much dust in the wind.

Saturday

Who's the Boss marathon.

Dalmatians

-Hey, look, the truck's stopping.

-Did they take us to the park this time?

-No...it's a fire.  Another horrible fire

-What the heck is wrong with these people?

A Miracle

After nine nerve-racking months, an Iowa woman gave birth to septuplets yesterday.  All seven babies survived and are currently being treated in the hospital's intensive care unit.  "It's a miracle," Dr. Albert Ea said.  "An honest-to-God miracle."

Angel: God? Can you help me stop this forest fire? It'll just take a few minutes.

God: Hold on...I'm busy giving this woman extra babies.  I've already got her up to four.

Angel" Whoa...sir...no offense, but that looks pretty unhealthy.

God: What do you mean? She asked for babies and I'm giving them to her.  It's a miracle.

Angel: I know, and it's very noble of you to answer her prayers.  I just...I don't understand why she needs so many babies all at once.  I mean...wouldn't it make more sense to space them out?

God: Hey, look, I got it up to five.

Angel: Aren't you at all nervous about medical complications? I mean...these babies will almost certainly be delivered prematurely.  And if that happens, the risk of birth defects will-

God: Six! Check it out-six babies!

Angel: Sir...this is really impressive...but I think you should focus on the forest fire right now.

God: One more baby.

Angel: Don't you think six is enough?

God: Seven's the record.  I want to try to at least tie it.

Angel: No offense, sir...but I'm not sure if this the best use of your time.

God: Trust me: people are going to love this.

Captain McCool...

Where is your cell phone?.........................dunno
Your significant other?...............................PS3
Your hair?.........................................butchered
Your mother?...................................talky
Your father?.................................... painty
Your favorite thing?.............................television
Your dream last night........................Albino
Your favorite drink................................ Mike's
Your dream/goal.............................. stabless
The room you're in.......................... family
Your children?................................... imaginary
Your fear?....................................... Everything
Where do you want to be in 6 years?............. Stabless
Where were you last night?........................ Home
What you're not?.................................... uncool
Muffins?......................................... Carrot
One of your wish list items?......................... Mac
Where'd you grow up?................................ Television
What'd you read last?......................... Atlas
What are you wearing?......................... Frowns
Your TV?...................................... Friend
Your pet?................................. Murdered
Your computer?............................... Murdered
Your life?..................................... Restfull
Your mood?................................ Bored
Missing someone?............................ Michael
Your car?......................................... sweet
Something you're not wearing?.................. Jewlery
Favorite store?.............................. Amazon
Your summer?.................................... Boring
Like someone?..................................... Jemaine
Your favorite color?................................ Orange
Last time you laughed................................ Seconds
Last time you cried?..................................... Eons

I bet I beat Amy!

Lindsey challenged... I accepted! I bet I beat Amy to it!

Tagged care of Lindsey Pinsey (that's what my mom calls her, feel free to use it)

Answer the following with only one word.

Where is your cell phone?.........................desk
Your significant other?...............................M.I.A.
Your hair?.........................................expensive
Your mother?................................... loving
Your father?.................................... practical
Your favorite thing?.............................music
Your dream last night........................scanning
Your favorite drink................................soda
Your dream/goal.............................. graduate
The room you're in.......................... cubicle
Your children?................................... eww
Your fear?....................................... bears
Where do you want to be in 6 years?.............rich
Where were you last night?.........................bed
What you're not?.................................... adult
Muffins?......................................... poppyseed
One of your wish list items?.........................insurance
Where'd you grow up?................................Loomis
What'd you read last?.........................JoeytheHitMan(seriously how do you make that one word)
What are you wearing?......................... money
Your TV?...................................... love
Your pet?................................. never!
Your computer?............................... vital
Your life?..................................... behind
Your mood?................................anxious
Missing someone?............................ Arrested
Your car?......................................... SOLD!
Something you're not wearing?.................. pajamas
Favorite store?.............................. Urban
Your summer?.................................... fast
Like someone?..................................... Bleeker
Your favorite color?................................red
Last time you laughed................................ yesterday
Last time you cried?..................................... months

I feel like I need to further explain most of these.
I tag Marissa (now you have to start one), Abby, and Taylor (check back I'm sure his will be hilarious)

Lately I have been working on a very intense, and by intense I mean boring, project at work that leaves me plenty of alone time with a giant cabinet of old tax returns and our little scanner. The only thing that has saved me from throwing myself out the window is my iPod. These are the songs I can't get enough of this week:

Paper Planes- M.I.A.
I'm Yours- Jason Mraz
The Story- Brandi Carlile
Hide and Seek- Imogen Heap
Pin- Yeah Yeah Yeahs
I'd be Lying- Straylight Run
Wolves at Night- Manchester Orchestra
Karma Police- Radiohead
The Mariner's Revenge Song- Decemberists
Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want- The Smiths
Not the Sun- Brand New

Lets hope these are enough to get me through the week!

More T.V.

If anyone knows our family at all they know we like T.V....alot! Lately Taylor and I have been really into this show "Flight of the Conchords". We have slowly recruited the rest of our family and if you want a good laugh, watch some of these clips.

Pictures of Camping

The last two posts were from Taylor (I'm sure you could tell- I'm not that clever).  I am posting some pics of our trip.  It was a lot of fun- minus the bears, and the thousands of wasps, oh yeah and the mile and a half walk to the lake, and I guess the tiny campsite.  Actually now that I think of it, maybe it wasn't so much "a lot" of fun.

This is me when I hadn't even seen the bear yet, I had just heard about it.

We don't have a picture of me after I saw the first bear but this picture really captures my emotions!

The mile walk down to the water- at least it was pretty

All Isaac wanted to do was find rocks and throw them- sometimes in the water, sometimes at strangers.

The boys went up to their knees for about 30 minutes trying to get the courage to get all the way in

Kyla and Camille wanted to get buried in the sand.  You can see Olivia in the background moments away from putting a fistful of sand on Camille's head.  She's going to have no problems in pre-school.

Layla had her first camping trip- Lindsey wouldn't even stay overnight so she didn't even get to see the exciting parts!

A bear of a good time camping...that was one heck of a clever title.

Bears are nature's mystery. Not so much what they eat or why they hibernate but the real mystery lies in us humans not making them extinct a long long time ago. If i never see another bear for the rest of my life it will be too soon. That expression doesn't really make sense but it describes exactly how i am feeling after this traumatic experience. We saw 2 bears in as many nights and i am quite afraid of this trend continuing for if it does i shall see another one tonight and another the following and so on. I have read up on the issue and statistically you are more likely to win the lottery than to be attacked by a bear so that calms my nerves.

A great thing has happened...

Close your eyes and imagin your vehicular transporter needing no fuel. Imagine being vehicularly transported places and being able to hear the birds chirp, and cats scratching at lamp posts. Okay now open your eyes. What kind of vehicular transport were you thinking of? No its not some wacky electric car costing thirty grand. No what i am speaking of is a Schwinn "Sprint" bicycle circa 1974. Now on august the thirtinth my dear brother's Logan and Taylor were at the local Deseret Industries when what should catch their eye but a lovely teal blue bicycle. Now they just had to have it, there was no desicion spoken out loud. They just carried it right to the cashier and handed over the money. After fixing any imperfections with wd-40 the bike ran like it was right out of the vietnamese sweatshop that it was fabricated in. Logan has yet to ride the bicycle any real distance, but Taylor has proven himself by riding all the way to the post office, easily a 25 mile journey though i do not know the exact distance. Some would question Logan's true motives in this purchase, why buy a bike that you are not going to ride? Perhaps just for the oportunity to say you own it. Who knows...but what i do know is that the 1974 Schwinn Sprint was by far the most beutiful bicycle ever made and i would defy anyone who says diferantly....

I have not mowed the lawn since Logan was tall enough to see over the handlebars of our lawnmower.  So imagine my surprise on Saturday when Papa Pope insisted it was my "turn".  I should remind him of this "turn" thing the next time he says, "What's for dinner?" or "Someone needs to do laundry".  My family thought this was such a sight to see they took a picture.  They also didn't understand the boots.  Logan thought I looked like a six year old, but I'm sure Urban made those boots just for the purpose of mowing a lawn, right?

Most of my Problems come from T.V.

This morning was like any other morning, I sit there eating my Cinnamon Life cereal while watching Saved by the Bell.  When I was younger I lived and breathed for Saved by the Bell.  I still like to watch it sometimes even though there are plenty of plot holes and the dialogue is seriously lacking.  It reminds me of my childhood and takes me back to a simpler time when apparently kids in high school don't have sex or do drugs.  (Remember the episode when the movie star Johnny Dakota comes and he does pot and all the kids are so shocked that they do this whole anti-drug campaign- so believable!)  Anywho, this mornings episode was particularly alarming because it was the one where Kelly and Zack break up.  This is word for word how the conversation goes.  Mind you Kelly is cheating on Zack with another guy.  

(Imagine the sappy "How am I Supposed to Live Without You" playing in the background to really set the mood)

Zack: I know there's something going on between you and Jeff, just talk to me.

Kelly:  I don't know how to say this, it's just that Jeff and I have been working together and...

Zack: Do you really like him?

Kelly: No. Yes. I don't know.  It's just all happening so fast.

Zack: Kelly what happened, I thought you loved me?

Kelly:  I do love you Zack.  It wasn't supposed to be this way, not for us.  I didn't want to hurt you for anything in the whole world.

Zack: I thought we'd always be together. 

Kelly: Zack I'm so sorry.

Zack:  I'll miss you Kelly, but hey how about one last dance?

Kelly: I'd like that.  

And then they dance as the sappy song fades out.

Here I am mouthful of cereal when it hit me!  This is what is wrong with me, I was given the worst example of a breakup ever!  I mean I've had my fair share of breakups and never ever do they go this smooth.  It's never "oh I cheated on you and I don't like you anymore".  "Hey that's all right, let's have one last dance".  From my fuzzy memory of high school I think it goes more like this...

(Names have been changed to protect the identity of the persons involved)

Delsea:  Hey I have something to tell you and the only reason I'm telling you is because you're probably going to find out from someone else anyway.  I kissed someone else last night but hey, I'm really sorry about it. 

Gayson: You %*^%$!  I'm going to spread horrible rumors about you all over school.

Delsea:  Fine by me!  I already told everyone that you're a jerk and possibly a little gay!

Gayson: I can't be gay, I already made out with your best friend!

Delsea: What? You're a @#$%^&*!

Gayson: You're a #$%^!

That was a completely fictional occurrence of course, so I can only imagine this is what it would be like to have an explosive breakup.  Anyway, I realized I may have been given a slight skewed view of what real life would be like.  Also someone failed to mention that you're not going to be best friends for the rest of high school and then run off to Vegas and get married.  Actually what you are going to do is run into them at the grocery store in your disgusting Saturday-only sweats, after you have just run three miles, and you're all alone buying tampons and deodorant! I'm going to write to Fox right now so I can create a TV show that really prepares our youth for the wonderful rights of passage to come.  

This is a little movie Taylor made for our ward talent show. It really showcases his many gifts. We're so lucky to have this kid around, he makes life so much more interesting.

Our Little Writer!

Friday morning I walk downstairs and this is what is taped to the wall right as you walk down so it can't be missed!  If only he could use his powers for good.  For those of you who don't know Taylor has a little bit of a video game "problem". 

Dad: Taylor, shut your game off.  It's 2:30 am.

Taylor: But father, I can not sleep.

Dad: The game probably has something to do with that.  Anyways I have a lot for you to do tomorrow and you know what they say, "The early bird gets the world".

Taylor: Who is saying that?

Dad: People

Taylor: Well these people obviously don't know me very well.

Dad: Why's that?

Taylor: Well lets say you were creating a metaphor with two main characters, one, a majestic bird soaring the skies, the other a lowly worm soaring the dung piles.  Now you had to choose one main character to fit me, who might you choose?

Dad: The worm

Taylor: Exactly, now according to your little metaphor the hot time to be bird food is early in the morning so by waking early I would definitely be securing my own demise.

Dad: Yeah, that's tru..

Taylor: I'm not finished father.  Okay so if I wait to wake up till...lets say noon-ish, the birds shall be filled to the beak with all those moron worms who listen to your terrible advice/metaphor and died subsequently, leaving me to roam all the crap fields I want, without a care in the world...now that's a well tailored metaphor.

Dad: Go to bed.