For all of you that would like a quick hilarious read go pick this book up! This kid writes these funny little stories about random things, much like Taylor does. We voted and these are some of the best ones...
If adults were subjected to the same indignities as children
PARTY
Zoe: Dad, I'm throwing a party tonight, so you'll have to stay in your room. Don't worry, though: one of my friends brought over his father for you to play with. His name is Comptroller Brooks and he's about your age, so I'm sure you'll have lots in common. I'll come check on you in a couple of hours. (Leaves)
Comptroller Brooks: Hello.
Mr. Higgins: Hello.
Comptroller Brooks: So...um...do you follow city politics?
Mr. Higgins: Not really.
Comptroller Brooks: Oh.
(long pause)
(Zoe returns)
Zoe: I forgot to tell you: I told my finds you'd perform for them after dinner. I'll come get you when it's time. (Leaves)
Comptroller Brooks: Oh man, what are we going to do?
Mr. Higgins: I know a dance...but it's pretty humiliating.
Comptroller Brooks: Just teach it to me.
My top secret seventh-grade diary
Tuesday
Beware! If ye hath stumbled upon this secret tome, ye must put it downeth immediately! Thine eyes are not meant to readeth these words! Indeed, if thy continue to readeth, a most horrible curse shall fall upon your very soul!
Today I went to school. Afterwards I watched Charles in Charge and Murphy Brown.
Thursday
O heavenly beasts, with horns of iron and wings of steel, I summon you to earth to unleash your wicked torments upon they who dare to readeth these words! Curse them! Curse them a thousand times over! For to read this consecrated tome is to rip open mine heart and feast upon its sacred truths!
Charles in Charge, Murphy Brown, The Hogan Family, Three's Company, Murphy Brown rerun, The Hogan Family.
Friday
Oh my goodness, I just found out they're canceling The Hogan Family. I don't know what to do. My fingers are shaking so much it's hard to hold the pencil. I've been crying for three straight hours and I can't make myself stop. There's a chance they might show reruns in the summers but I'm not even sure if they'll do that. I've never felt so lonely and scared in my entire life. My Mom's going to get home from work soon and I'm going to have to go our there and smile and somehow pretend like everything's all right. But on the inside I'll be screaming at the top of my lungs, screaming with anger and fear. It's times like this that I wonder if you even exist, God. Where were you today? Just hanging out? Well, guess what? The Hogan Family was canceled.The third best show the year, gone forever. Like so much dust in the wind.
Saturday
Who's the Boss marathon.
Dalmatians
-Hey, look, the truck's stopping.
-Did they take us to the park this time?
-No...it's a fire. Another horrible fire
-What the heck is wrong with these people?
A Miracle
After nine nerve-racking months, an Iowa woman gave birth to septuplets yesterday. All seven babies survived and are currently being treated in the hospital's intensive care unit. "It's a miracle," Dr. Albert Ea said. "An honest-to-God miracle."
Angel: God? Can you help me stop this forest fire? It'll just take a few minutes.
God: Hold on...I'm busy giving this woman extra babies. I've already got her up to four.
Angel" Whoa...sir...no offense, but that looks pretty unhealthy.
God: What do you mean? She asked for babies and I'm giving them to her. It's a miracle.
Angel: I know, and it's very noble of you to answer her prayers. I just...I don't understand why she needs so many babies all at once. I mean...wouldn't it make more sense to space them out?
God: Hey, look, I got it up to five.
Angel: Aren't you at all nervous about medical complications? I mean...these babies will almost certainly be delivered prematurely. And if that happens, the risk of birth defects will-
God: Six! Check it out-six babies!
Angel: Sir...this is really impressive...but I think you should focus on the forest fire right now.
God: One more baby.
Angel: Don't you think six is enough?
God: Seven's the record. I want to try to at least tie it.
Angel: No offense, sir...but I'm not sure if this the best use of your time.
God: Trust me: people are going to love this.
3 comments:
are you sure Taylor didn't write this book, it feels like Taylor wrote this book! Was this his senior project? Comeon tell me did Taylor write this book?? Taylor you need to write a book (for the millionth time already, don't forget to mention my name in the credits)..Funny! Im going to go seek this one out!
I know Aunt Maureen I think this sounds so much like Taylor too! I try to get him to write his own book too, but he has no discipline. Maybe if you are the one who pushes it he'll do it.
It' s the first time I have heard that in Macedonia, obits are an unusual observe. You have wonderfully written the post. I have liked your way of writing this. Thanks for sharing this.
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